The countdown counter has reached ZERO.
I am heading to bed and I hope that you enjoy the flowers!
There are tons of things to say and yet I don't know what to write in this blog entry, possibly the last one before I see your face again.
Will see you very soon hon!
Andrew
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Sunday, September 2, 2007
My Sassy Girlfriend
This is the first entry after you found out this blog!
It is amazing for how God speaks to me through all kind of things.
Since your brother canceled our supper tonight, I was trying to find myself a movie to relax. At first I wanted to watch a comedy by Andy Lau about Ma Jong, but after searching for 15 minutes I had no luck finding it. Instead I found the Korean movie "My Sassy Girlfriend".
I have only watched it once a few years back and I absolutely loved it. I remember I was very touched by one scene and I cried about how much the protagonist loves his girl friend.
Watching it again 3 yrs later, God used it to deliver me another message -- fulfilling your dreams. I missed it the first time I watched it, but in the movie the protagonist did all he could to make every dreams of the girl dreams come true. She loved writing stories and he submitted them for her to movie making companies; she wanted to meet people from the future and his future-self traveled back in time to meet her.
This morning we talked about the quality of living that you are seeking for; but those are not your "dreams". Those are tangible. I will do everything it takes to help you reach your dream hon, even if it is through the hard/harsh routes. I know that your path for your Ph.D program is beyond hard, but I believe it is THE way to reach your ultimate dream, and I will walk with you till the very end.
Remember how this morning I tried to be harsh to force you to pray to the Lord the first thing you get up?
Now linking all things together, I just realize that it is Matthew's baptismal service today. I don't know what you prayed about before heading out, but I would imagine that after seeing a dear friend, Matthew's public declaration for following Jesus for the rest of his life, would trigger you some flashbacks and definitely a lot of reflections.
i will await for your sharing hon.
Andrew
It is amazing for how God speaks to me through all kind of things.
Since your brother canceled our supper tonight, I was trying to find myself a movie to relax. At first I wanted to watch a comedy by Andy Lau about Ma Jong, but after searching for 15 minutes I had no luck finding it. Instead I found the Korean movie "My Sassy Girlfriend".
I have only watched it once a few years back and I absolutely loved it. I remember I was very touched by one scene and I cried about how much the protagonist loves his girl friend.
Watching it again 3 yrs later, God used it to deliver me another message -- fulfilling your dreams. I missed it the first time I watched it, but in the movie the protagonist did all he could to make every dreams of the girl dreams come true. She loved writing stories and he submitted them for her to movie making companies; she wanted to meet people from the future and his future-self traveled back in time to meet her.
This morning we talked about the quality of living that you are seeking for; but those are not your "dreams". Those are tangible. I will do everything it takes to help you reach your dream hon, even if it is through the hard/harsh routes. I know that your path for your Ph.D program is beyond hard, but I believe it is THE way to reach your ultimate dream, and I will walk with you till the very end.
Remember how this morning I tried to be harsh to force you to pray to the Lord the first thing you get up?
Now linking all things together, I just realize that it is Matthew's baptismal service today. I don't know what you prayed about before heading out, but I would imagine that after seeing a dear friend, Matthew's public declaration for following Jesus for the rest of his life, would trigger you some flashbacks and definitely a lot of reflections.
i will await for your sharing hon.
Andrew
Thursday, August 30, 2007
The "Kick"!
Holy smokes the cake is 15 minutes in the oven now!
It's growing!!
It took me from 10 pm to 11:15 pm for all the prep, mixing etc. I'm so tired!!
Let's see how this turns out!!
It's growing!!
It took me from 10 pm to 11:15 pm for all the prep, mixing etc. I'm so tired!!
Let's see how this turns out!!
God's grace is more than your needs
Dear hon,
So we just finished our 1 hr call! Wow! I believe it has been at least 1 full week since i) you called me first and ii) we chatted so relaxingly.
I must confess that the past few days I had my moments of doubts, that I may lose you. We had very limited communication lately and while I know how you are feeling, I do not know exactly what you are thinking. I didn't dare to think what would happen in that case, as I have never been so much in love before and you are so special to me. But I know that the Lord is sustaining me. He reinforces me again and again that everything is under His control. I trust Him.
This morning when I reread my spiritual journal, like I told you over the phone, I saw again how I was led on the path one step at a time, and the amazing things that God has planned so that I can be with you. This gave me yet another assurance.
It was so great to hear about your Sunday experience, and I was so excited as I know I will enter it in this blog (and thus why I am doing this now before I go to work).
So you were touched by the spirit to make an offering at a foreign church the past Sunday (Aug 26th). Despite that you had little money in your purse you answered the call and offered what you had!! (I am so proud of you!!)
After that you thought you didn't need to use money because your family want to have buffet, but because the meal ended late you offered your sister to pay for the taxi ride which should cost $60-$70, and turned out that it cost only $48 while you only had $50 left!!
And God's grace continued. On your way home you and a stranger both missed the last ride (while it should not have been the case -- the last one must have left early). Knowing that you need to ask your mom to come down to pay for you, the stranger treated you for the ride!!
How amazing!! The Lord's plan is flawless. Your submission was responded by great blessings.
Now I am getting ready to head out.
Love,
Andrew
So we just finished our 1 hr call! Wow! I believe it has been at least 1 full week since i) you called me first and ii) we chatted so relaxingly.
I must confess that the past few days I had my moments of doubts, that I may lose you. We had very limited communication lately and while I know how you are feeling, I do not know exactly what you are thinking. I didn't dare to think what would happen in that case, as I have never been so much in love before and you are so special to me. But I know that the Lord is sustaining me. He reinforces me again and again that everything is under His control. I trust Him.
This morning when I reread my spiritual journal, like I told you over the phone, I saw again how I was led on the path one step at a time, and the amazing things that God has planned so that I can be with you. This gave me yet another assurance.
It was so great to hear about your Sunday experience, and I was so excited as I know I will enter it in this blog (and thus why I am doing this now before I go to work).
So you were touched by the spirit to make an offering at a foreign church the past Sunday (Aug 26th). Despite that you had little money in your purse you answered the call and offered what you had!! (I am so proud of you!!)
After that you thought you didn't need to use money because your family want to have buffet, but because the meal ended late you offered your sister to pay for the taxi ride which should cost $60-$70, and turned out that it cost only $48 while you only had $50 left!!
And God's grace continued. On your way home you and a stranger both missed the last ride (while it should not have been the case -- the last one must have left early). Knowing that you need to ask your mom to come down to pay for you, the stranger treated you for the ride!!
How amazing!! The Lord's plan is flawless. Your submission was responded by great blessings.
Now I am getting ready to head out.
Love,
Andrew
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Fate
Hon, I truly appreciate for that you try your best to update me what is going on despite that it is hard for you to organize your feelings, not to mention to put them in words.
Hopefully you have received by now, I wanted to mail you my photo in suits that John gave me last night. Not that it would help what you are facing in any major way, I just hope that seeing your hon dressed up with a big smile in the face can boost you up. I was not hungry at all and I wanted to mail it first before eating lunch, but I remembered my promise and I ate lunch as soon as possible after my meetings.
I tried to visit the same mail store where I sent the chocolate, which I thought is south of 7 and Warden (I needed international stamps). I kept driving south and could not find it, but found a convenient store with a postage box outside, so I tried my luck there. While I got the stamps, the next mail collection checkpoint for the postage box is tomorrow 11 am!! I couldn't stand that because I want the photo to reach your hands as soon as possible, because while I have full faith that everything will eventually be sorted out, anything that I can help I will do it.
So I left and was trying to think of a way. Thinking thinking I thought it was worthwhile to try NORTH of 7 and wala I found the same store where I mailed the chocolate!! (Your hon seriously has poor memory)
Happily when I opened the postage box tray, I notice that there was another letter stuck there and did not slide into the lower level. I mailed my letter and made sure that they both went underneath.
On my way back to work I was thinking that if I didn't get lost I might have missed this "stuck" letter. Or worse it could have been my mail that was stuck in the mailbox! It was as if God was trying to assure me that every action and reaction are under His control! Our lives are all beautifully intertwined, under God's sovereign plan.
I will continue to do what I can to support you, awaiting to see how fate (God's will) would lead us to!
Andrew
Hopefully you have received by now, I wanted to mail you my photo in suits that John gave me last night. Not that it would help what you are facing in any major way, I just hope that seeing your hon dressed up with a big smile in the face can boost you up. I was not hungry at all and I wanted to mail it first before eating lunch, but I remembered my promise and I ate lunch as soon as possible after my meetings.
I tried to visit the same mail store where I sent the chocolate, which I thought is south of 7 and Warden (I needed international stamps). I kept driving south and could not find it, but found a convenient store with a postage box outside, so I tried my luck there. While I got the stamps, the next mail collection checkpoint for the postage box is tomorrow 11 am!! I couldn't stand that because I want the photo to reach your hands as soon as possible, because while I have full faith that everything will eventually be sorted out, anything that I can help I will do it.
So I left and was trying to think of a way. Thinking thinking I thought it was worthwhile to try NORTH of 7 and wala I found the same store where I mailed the chocolate!! (Your hon seriously has poor memory)
Happily when I opened the postage box tray, I notice that there was another letter stuck there and did not slide into the lower level. I mailed my letter and made sure that they both went underneath.
On my way back to work I was thinking that if I didn't get lost I might have missed this "stuck" letter. Or worse it could have been my mail that was stuck in the mailbox! It was as if God was trying to assure me that every action and reaction are under His control! Our lives are all beautifully intertwined, under God's sovereign plan.
I will continue to do what I can to support you, awaiting to see how fate (God's will) would lead us to!
Andrew
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Give you room give you room!
Dear hon,
It is 6:30 pm, 30 minutes away from me waking you up.
Today has been nice and somewhat relaxing. Lots of things are going on but seem to be going well, at least I perceive them that way.
Continuing from my previous posts, it seems to me that you are having quite some deep thinking. I don't know what they are: they could be induced by your Monday meeting with your uncle/auntie/father combo, or something from work, or other stuff. No matter what they are, I can feel that you want more room to breath, to digest, to think and to reflect.
I will definitely keep this in mind whenever I interact with you.
Love,
Andrew
It is 6:30 pm, 30 minutes away from me waking you up.
Today has been nice and somewhat relaxing. Lots of things are going on but seem to be going well, at least I perceive them that way.
Continuing from my previous posts, it seems to me that you are having quite some deep thinking. I don't know what they are: they could be induced by your Monday meeting with your uncle/auntie/father combo, or something from work, or other stuff. No matter what they are, I can feel that you want more room to breath, to digest, to think and to reflect.
I will definitely keep this in mind whenever I interact with you.
Love,
Andrew
Looking deeper into you
Dear hon,
So this is the morning that I got up early to meet Chris at 9:00 am.
I shared with you that from the "2002 Dating tips" book one of them listed 3 important things for married couples. I checked once more before I depart, there are indeed four bullets:
Hon I am learning how to love you more everyday and I told myself to put more into your shoes more often before I act and I speak. I am praying to God to be less self-centered and put you in front of me. I am looking at my engineering ring and I am making this promise, out of joy and not out of responsibility. I told myself that I will be more sensitive in the next few days and see how much I can improve :)
The chat with Chris was quite encouraging. I would love to have a long chat with you about that. It seems unlikely to happen in the next few days however since I am pretty occupied in the mornings for the next few days, and the only available time slots for you to engage in any relatively longer calls would be past 9:30 pm or 10:30 pm your time. It is ok, it can wait. Or I can put them into this blog.
I should head back to work. Sometimes I wonder if any "mo Liu" person would read my blog, and may even comment (there are "comment" buttons associated with each post).
Love,
Andrew
So this is the morning that I got up early to meet Chris at 9:00 am.
I shared with you that from the "2002 Dating tips" book one of them listed 3 important things for married couples. I checked once more before I depart, there are indeed four bullets:
- Laughing together often (We said we need to do this more once I am in HK)
- Making love regularly (too bad this is not applicable for us, yet)
- Sharing your lives with each other
- Tell each other how you feel about one another
Hon I am learning how to love you more everyday and I told myself to put more into your shoes more often before I act and I speak. I am praying to God to be less self-centered and put you in front of me. I am looking at my engineering ring and I am making this promise, out of joy and not out of responsibility. I told myself that I will be more sensitive in the next few days and see how much I can improve :)
The chat with Chris was quite encouraging. I would love to have a long chat with you about that. It seems unlikely to happen in the next few days however since I am pretty occupied in the mornings for the next few days, and the only available time slots for you to engage in any relatively longer calls would be past 9:30 pm or 10:30 pm your time. It is ok, it can wait. Or I can put them into this blog.
I should head back to work. Sometimes I wonder if any "mo Liu" person would read my blog, and may even comment (there are "comment" buttons associated with each post).
Love,
Andrew
5 - now 4 days to go
It has to be the worst day yet after my Gate 1.
Wow I do not know how things could go worse -- the VPs stepping in having ridiculous requests and wasting my time to generate meaningless reports. Argument over the phone resulting in dead air and it was my call so I had to wrap it up. New policies that I am not interested in but as a Project Manager I needed to draw the core group together to see if we should roll that out. And the list goes on. Interestingly though, the later it was the day, the lighter my heart became. I no longer felt the frustration but that I had only to finish my tasks. God is my ultimate boss and He knows what I am doing. Mistakes had been made and I carried out the corrective actions.
Arriving home around midnight, my mom expressed her excitement by chatting with me (one way, as usual) for like 30 minutes while I was eating, and from time to time keep bumping into my room while I was doing one last piece of work. My patience was almost tested to the limit :P
I managed to find Mr. Lam and he promised he will make arrangements for the flowers. What a great guy!
I forced myself to finish today's settingcaptivesfree exercise as I believe that it is moments like this that I have to carry on and show my discipline. Though the course is at its 14th day since I deferred two lessons this is already my official 16th day, not to mention that I behaved well a few days prior to that. I heard though that the toughest days are from the 15th to 30th. We shall see! I should sleep now, as I am meeting Chris tomorrow at 9 am.
Only managed to call you for 10 seconds. I guess I should give you a short email or SMS to not make you worry.
Love,
Andrew
Wow I do not know how things could go worse -- the VPs stepping in having ridiculous requests and wasting my time to generate meaningless reports. Argument over the phone resulting in dead air and it was my call so I had to wrap it up. New policies that I am not interested in but as a Project Manager I needed to draw the core group together to see if we should roll that out. And the list goes on. Interestingly though, the later it was the day, the lighter my heart became. I no longer felt the frustration but that I had only to finish my tasks. God is my ultimate boss and He knows what I am doing. Mistakes had been made and I carried out the corrective actions.
Arriving home around midnight, my mom expressed her excitement by chatting with me (one way, as usual) for like 30 minutes while I was eating, and from time to time keep bumping into my room while I was doing one last piece of work. My patience was almost tested to the limit :P
I managed to find Mr. Lam and he promised he will make arrangements for the flowers. What a great guy!
I forced myself to finish today's settingcaptivesfree exercise as I believe that it is moments like this that I have to carry on and show my discipline. Though the course is at its 14th day since I deferred two lessons this is already my official 16th day, not to mention that I behaved well a few days prior to that. I heard though that the toughest days are from the 15th to 30th. We shall see! I should sleep now, as I am meeting Chris tomorrow at 9 am.
Only managed to call you for 10 seconds. I guess I should give you a short email or SMS to not make you worry.
Love,
Andrew
Sunday, August 26, 2007
A&A
So that Mr. Lam is a busy guy. I can't find him but oh well I certainly will in the next couple of days.
[I wrote the following in the blog first but I feel that I must share with you first hand, thus I copied and pasted and emailed you]
I guess I can't emphasize how big a a change it is in my heart at the moment. I felt so sorrowful during the weekend that words couldn't really describe it. Tired and frustrated, and I had not fully recovered from the tension that we had from a few days earlier. You were very much occupied because of your sister's visitation plus your packed activities; though not that I can tell you much anything in the presence of Jackson & Co. The shock from the car theft, the fact that I lost a precious holiday to deal with it (though thankful, as I have explained to you that if I had to work it would be much worse), and the fact that I gave up skydiving to go to the retreat all put me into this state of emptiness. The Friday discovery of the fact that I made project impacting mistakes just drove me into a deeper state of fear.
But God knows me well. After two days of reflections, lessons and prayers, and as you can probably tell from my earlier posts, I have magically recovered. I have to go all out and trust Him fully. I am feeling filled by the Spirit this very moment. I am feeling loved, content and protected, though I am all by myself at home, alone. If I can use one word to describe how I am feeling now, I would use the word FREE. Nothing entangles me now. No worries, no burdens. I am tired (it's midnight now and it has been a long day), but I am filled with joy and hope. I can face tomorrow!
Sometimes I wonder what you really think about my sudden move for joining the settingcaptivesfree program. After all my history, and all the past attempts, it is a valid question for anyone to ask if this is for real that I can be pure once and for all. We are not talking about a few weeks nor a few months here, not even months, but for the rest of my life. I doubt it myself too, but I only doubt myself, not God the source of power. This is a critical decision in my life to join this program. And interestingly a great motivation for me joining this program is because of you, as I want to lead you to live a life dependent on God, and to do that I need your help, which I know you are more than willing to provide.
I am halfway into Hudson Taylor & Maria - a match made in heaven.
I finally read up to the part where the two finally overcame all obstacles and got married.
"Far more significant was the influence of Maria upon her husband. Her religious development had been more orderly; she served to steady Hudson's faith while he deepened hers."
"(Maria) was largely responsible for the common sense and balance characteristic of Taylor at the height of his powers."
"She made him take holidays."
"He became more assured, grew up"
"Her passionate nature fulfilled his warm-blooded yearning to love and be loved"
"She gave him full response, a fostering and feeding affection so that together they had such a reservoir of love that it splashed over to refresh all, Chinese or European, who came near them."
I found that most of the above statements apply to how your presence influences me hon.
You not only steady my faith but give me the power to advance it; and I hopefully have led and will continue to lead you to deepen your faith.
You always give me wise opinions in my ministries, and help me to think twice before I make rushed decisions. In short, you help me to think straight when I am losing sense.
When you are by my side, I am always more confident, because I know you always support me.
You are so precious that I want to love you more, give you more, and in return I feel your passion and evolving, dedicated love.
While we should not engage in self-praising, I do believe that God did use us to bless others; He used us as one unit, not two individuals. If He is willing, we will be able to bless many more.
Love,
Andrew
[I wrote the following in the blog first but I feel that I must share with you first hand, thus I copied and pasted and emailed you]
I guess I can't emphasize how big a a change it is in my heart at the moment. I felt so sorrowful during the weekend that words couldn't really describe it. Tired and frustrated, and I had not fully recovered from the tension that we had from a few days earlier. You were very much occupied because of your sister's visitation plus your packed activities; though not that I can tell you much anything in the presence of Jackson & Co. The shock from the car theft, the fact that I lost a precious holiday to deal with it (though thankful, as I have explained to you that if I had to work it would be much worse), and the fact that I gave up skydiving to go to the retreat all put me into this state of emptiness. The Friday discovery of the fact that I made project impacting mistakes just drove me into a deeper state of fear.
But God knows me well. After two days of reflections, lessons and prayers, and as you can probably tell from my earlier posts, I have magically recovered. I have to go all out and trust Him fully. I am feeling filled by the Spirit this very moment. I am feeling loved, content and protected, though I am all by myself at home, alone. If I can use one word to describe how I am feeling now, I would use the word FREE. Nothing entangles me now. No worries, no burdens. I am tired (it's midnight now and it has been a long day), but I am filled with joy and hope. I can face tomorrow!
Sometimes I wonder what you really think about my sudden move for joining the settingcaptivesfree program. After all my history, and all the past attempts, it is a valid question for anyone to ask if this is for real that I can be pure once and for all. We are not talking about a few weeks nor a few months here, not even months, but for the rest of my life. I doubt it myself too, but I only doubt myself, not God the source of power. This is a critical decision in my life to join this program. And interestingly a great motivation for me joining this program is because of you, as I want to lead you to live a life dependent on God, and to do that I need your help, which I know you are more than willing to provide.
I am halfway into Hudson Taylor & Maria - a match made in heaven.
I finally read up to the part where the two finally overcame all obstacles and got married.
"Far more significant was the influence of Maria upon her husband. Her religious development had been more orderly; she served to steady Hudson's faith while he deepened hers."
"(Maria) was largely responsible for the common sense and balance characteristic of Taylor at the height of his powers."
"She made him take holidays."
"He became more assured, grew up"
"Her passionate nature fulfilled his warm-blooded yearning to love and be loved"
"She gave him full response, a fostering and feeding affection so that together they had such a reservoir of love that it splashed over to refresh all, Chinese or European, who came near them."
I found that most of the above statements apply to how your presence influences me hon.
You not only steady my faith but give me the power to advance it; and I hopefully have led and will continue to lead you to deepen your faith.
You always give me wise opinions in my ministries, and help me to think twice before I make rushed decisions. In short, you help me to think straight when I am losing sense.
When you are by my side, I am always more confident, because I know you always support me.
You are so precious that I want to love you more, give you more, and in return I feel your passion and evolving, dedicated love.
While we should not engage in self-praising, I do believe that God did use us to bless others; He used us as one unit, not two individuals. If He is willing, we will be able to bless many more.
Love,
Andrew
Flowers! Part 2
So, I have made the order!
Wow, I called another store and their service is much better, so I chose this one instead.
I tried to call Mr. Lam back but he is in a meeting. I will call him again before I sleep. There is plenty of time though -- one full week.
I wonder if the final hint is too easy. I could have just said "Andrew & Alice --> shrink to 5 characters". But you likely will think of a 5 character English word, which is misleading. Too bad that internet websites cannot use the & character, otherwise I would have used 1031Prime-A&A@blogspot.com instead.
So, the final week will begin tomorrow. I know it will be tough, but after a few days of struggle, I am finally ready for this. Satan loves to hurt me using despair, telling me that I am finished, downplaying all the victories that God led me previously and shatter my hope. I have decided to trust God fully and obey. The road is still tough, but I believe I believe I believe I believe I believe. Satan is equally challenging you too, for that you have to meet your uncle and aunt and your father tonight. I know that God will give you wisdom to protect you.
I hope I can see your smile when you see the flowers.
Love,
Andrew
Wow, I called another store and their service is much better, so I chose this one instead.
I tried to call Mr. Lam back but he is in a meeting. I will call him again before I sleep. There is plenty of time though -- one full week.
I wonder if the final hint is too easy. I could have just said "Andrew & Alice --> shrink to 5 characters". But you likely will think of a 5 character English word, which is misleading. Too bad that internet websites cannot use the & character, otherwise I would have used 1031Prime-A&A@blogspot.com instead.
So, the final week will begin tomorrow. I know it will be tough, but after a few days of struggle, I am finally ready for this. Satan loves to hurt me using despair, telling me that I am finished, downplaying all the victories that God led me previously and shatter my hope. I have decided to trust God fully and obey. The road is still tough, but I believe I believe I believe I believe I believe. Satan is equally challenging you too, for that you have to meet your uncle and aunt and your father tonight. I know that God will give you wisdom to protect you.
I hope I can see your smile when you see the flowers.
Love,
Andrew
Flowers!
I spent quite some time researching for the best possible flower store, but I guess no matter what I choose you will like that regardless!!
I called the flower store and interestingly the receptionist does not sound very passionate, may be I should try another store! Either way she did give me important information -- that if no one is at home not every security office is willing to hold the flowers till you come back. This does create a problem. After spending 20 minutes being fruitless for finding the Royal Ascot maintenance office phone number, I considered calling your mom to see if she will be home that day, though I prefer that to be the last option.
Now I really love Hong Kong's service -- my 14 early years spent in HK was not in vain! I dialed 1083 and obtained what I needed. Calling the security office, the receptionist redirected me to the supervisor Mr. Lam who is a very nice guy, very keen in helping me. He said there is no problem in keeping the flowers for you!
So all I need to do now is to order the flowers, ask them to delivery to your home in the afternoon/evening, and call back Mr. Lam to confirm this.
I called the flower store and interestingly the receptionist does not sound very passionate, may be I should try another store! Either way she did give me important information -- that if no one is at home not every security office is willing to hold the flowers till you come back. This does create a problem. After spending 20 minutes being fruitless for finding the Royal Ascot maintenance office phone number, I considered calling your mom to see if she will be home that day, though I prefer that to be the last option.
Now I really love Hong Kong's service -- my 14 early years spent in HK was not in vain! I dialed 1083 and obtained what I needed. Calling the security office, the receptionist redirected me to the supervisor Mr. Lam who is a very nice guy, very keen in helping me. He said there is no problem in keeping the flowers for you!
So all I need to do now is to order the flowers, ask them to delivery to your home in the afternoon/evening, and call back Mr. Lam to confirm this.
Just returned from retreat
Dear hon,
So I am finally home from the retreat. It is 4:30 pm. First, I just want to continue from the previus blog entry that after my shower I did get your call. It meant a lot to me. Similarly, after your very long Sunday (visiting a new church, buffer lunch + ma jong with relatives etc), with the expectation that you would jump right into bed after you reached home, you still replied my email at 2:00 am your time. I found that very sweet of you hon.
For me it has been an uneasy weekend. It certainly was fruitful as I was forced to learn a lot and reflect a lot. I was very scared throughout the weekend because on Friday I discovered two big mistakes that I have made in my project, and they do have some consequences. As you know I am not the type that easily let go of wrong doings on my part, especially when it impacts others. It took me many many many prayers to let go of this, telling myself that it is OK to make mistakes, because through this I learn. I was reading Hudson Taylor's biography and God allowed him to hit the wall so many times. I wonder what type of man God wants me to become? I keep telling myself that there are only 5 more days to go. Just 5 more days. I have survived the 722 project completion; and I have survived the 7.6 Gate 1. By God's grace I will survive this. And not only barely survive this, but I will overcome this. I keep telling myself.
Lately I have just been too torn apart. Virtually nothing goes right -- from work to family to church load to body fatigue, the lost car and even we have bumps in our relationship. 99% of the time our bonding is my major source of comfort, but just not lately. God has forced me to go for "all or nothing". Either I fully trust in Him, in every single aspect of my life, or I put zero trust in Him. There is no third option. I had very few words in the last couple of days during the retreat. And when they make jokes I seldom laugh. My mind was still struggling with all the unresolved issues. I was so scared as I don't know how to make things better.
But I shouldn't need to. I knew that I should just let go and God will help me to face tomorrow, though I couldn't do it. Finally on our way out I made this sincere prayer. asked God to help me to trust fully in Him for everything. My heart is feeling a lot less heavy now thanks to that, and I will see how I can spend the rest of today relaxed.
Before I received your email, I kept waiting for your call, and kept telling myself that I should have no expectation of it. By 1 am I really really wanted to call you to see if you safely reached home. I told myself to let go, and to trust God that He will protect you, and that your family is in HK for you. It is a small but important lesson for me and thus why receiving your email afterwards was so meaningful to me.
Before we had the fight about sending you flowers, I always planned to order you flowers on the day my mom and I are flying. There would be almost one full day that we will not have any contact and I thought that it would be of a good surprise move. I learned now that I shouldn't save this till the very last moment, but since that was the plan I am going to stick with it (as you should now learn). The tricky thing is that I do not know what the delivery guy would do if no one is home, cause you need to work on Tuesday. This is something that I would need to call and ask. Another option is to deliver the flower to your work place, but I don't think you like this kind of attention, nor I think it is appropriate -- I may do so if you have become a permanent full time employee some day though! From the beginning of my plan I already believed that putting the final hint in the flower delivery is the best option.
On our way back, I was with Jackson Karen and Doris. Doris expressed that she wants to get a bigger house, to have a bigger living room so that they can hold gatherings in a more comfy manner. But Keith and she are concerned about the financial pressure from getting a bigger house. During the discussion, I begin to wonder if it makes more sense for us to get the mortgage for a smaller but affordable house or to rent, if we do get married in 2009. If the housing market remains constant, it may still be better to put the money into the house then to pay rent, and we should be able to enjoy our 'home' for at least 2-3 years.
My blogs are getting too long. Now I wonder if you have the time and energy to read all these on Tuesday night. I cannot help it though, cause with the limited opportunities for us to chat on the phone, all I can do now is write write write :)
5:08 pm
Andrew
So I am finally home from the retreat. It is 4:30 pm. First, I just want to continue from the previus blog entry that after my shower I did get your call. It meant a lot to me. Similarly, after your very long Sunday (visiting a new church, buffer lunch + ma jong with relatives etc), with the expectation that you would jump right into bed after you reached home, you still replied my email at 2:00 am your time. I found that very sweet of you hon.
For me it has been an uneasy weekend. It certainly was fruitful as I was forced to learn a lot and reflect a lot. I was very scared throughout the weekend because on Friday I discovered two big mistakes that I have made in my project, and they do have some consequences. As you know I am not the type that easily let go of wrong doings on my part, especially when it impacts others. It took me many many many prayers to let go of this, telling myself that it is OK to make mistakes, because through this I learn. I was reading Hudson Taylor's biography and God allowed him to hit the wall so many times. I wonder what type of man God wants me to become? I keep telling myself that there are only 5 more days to go. Just 5 more days. I have survived the 722 project completion; and I have survived the 7.6 Gate 1. By God's grace I will survive this. And not only barely survive this, but I will overcome this. I keep telling myself.
Lately I have just been too torn apart. Virtually nothing goes right -- from work to family to church load to body fatigue, the lost car and even we have bumps in our relationship. 99% of the time our bonding is my major source of comfort, but just not lately. God has forced me to go for "all or nothing". Either I fully trust in Him, in every single aspect of my life, or I put zero trust in Him. There is no third option. I had very few words in the last couple of days during the retreat. And when they make jokes I seldom laugh. My mind was still struggling with all the unresolved issues. I was so scared as I don't know how to make things better.
But I shouldn't need to. I knew that I should just let go and God will help me to face tomorrow, though I couldn't do it. Finally on our way out I made this sincere prayer. asked God to help me to trust fully in Him for everything. My heart is feeling a lot less heavy now thanks to that, and I will see how I can spend the rest of today relaxed.
Before I received your email, I kept waiting for your call, and kept telling myself that I should have no expectation of it. By 1 am I really really wanted to call you to see if you safely reached home. I told myself to let go, and to trust God that He will protect you, and that your family is in HK for you. It is a small but important lesson for me and thus why receiving your email afterwards was so meaningful to me.
Before we had the fight about sending you flowers, I always planned to order you flowers on the day my mom and I are flying. There would be almost one full day that we will not have any contact and I thought that it would be of a good surprise move. I learned now that I shouldn't save this till the very last moment, but since that was the plan I am going to stick with it (as you should now learn). The tricky thing is that I do not know what the delivery guy would do if no one is home, cause you need to work on Tuesday. This is something that I would need to call and ask. Another option is to deliver the flower to your work place, but I don't think you like this kind of attention, nor I think it is appropriate -- I may do so if you have become a permanent full time employee some day though! From the beginning of my plan I already believed that putting the final hint in the flower delivery is the best option.
On our way back, I was with Jackson Karen and Doris. Doris expressed that she wants to get a bigger house, to have a bigger living room so that they can hold gatherings in a more comfy manner. But Keith and she are concerned about the financial pressure from getting a bigger house. During the discussion, I begin to wonder if it makes more sense for us to get the mortgage for a smaller but affordable house or to rent, if we do get married in 2009. If the housing market remains constant, it may still be better to put the money into the house then to pay rent, and we should be able to enjoy our 'home' for at least 2-3 years.
My blogs are getting too long. Now I wonder if you have the time and energy to read all these on Tuesday night. I cannot help it though, cause with the limited opportunities for us to chat on the phone, all I can do now is write write write :)
5:08 pm
Andrew
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Waiting for your call
Dear hon,
So it is almost noon your time, and you should be having lunch soon after your morning training, if not already.
Though unlikely to happen, I hope that you can give me a call, even a short one.
Tonight's Bible Study preparation with Eric was very great. Based on his background and knowledge of the Bible he had done a great job in attempting to answer many of the questions and had some very interesting insights. Hoped that you were here. At closing we prayed, and he sincerely asked God to use him and help him to lead this very first Bible study of his. Very touching indeed.
There is a new meaning to my engineering ring which I wear on my little finger. As you know, lately I have been praying for you everyday when I get up, and I told myself that I will not wear it unless I have done that, and it must be genuine. So whenever you see that I have it on now, it would be a token of my dedication to love you. I look forward to the day when the same meaning is applied to a different ring.
I am very tired, as it has been a long stressful day, and I still have to take two stupid calls tomorrow. After Eric left I prepared for a song presentation for the weekend retreat. One thing I learned from the past is that, whenever you are tired or frustrated, go back to where you began. I picked one of the very first songs that I sang when I started serving, back when I just joined church. It brings back any memories and I recall how fresh I was. Innocent and cheerful, I had little challenge in my life and I sang with hope. The future was bright and life was beautiful. It is 10x harder now but I am 100x more mature and have been granted 100x more blessings.
If you don't call me in 15 minutes, I will take a shower and play some videogames. I think I am not going to play Paper Mario, nor Dragonball, but an old school robot fighting game for PS2. Why? I feel like going back to my roots tonight!
This morning I read another 1/2 chapter about Hudson Taylor. He met his spiritual father and took the brave move to submit and answer his calling to go to Swatow; only in tears did he find out that his spiritual father answered the same calling.
How touching, and yet, how realistic. This i) struggle -> ii) submit -> iii) blessing cycle happened so many times in my life but I always forget about it. The best example is how you and I started. I will never forget that Sunday morning, kneeling by myself and asking God to remove my feelings towards you, only to learn that you have developed feelings towards me on the same day.
This gives me courage. I am exhausted, worn-out and afraid. But I will carry on. The sunshine will come and the victory is at hand! I guess you won't call me, and I am happy because that means you are occupied with (new) colleagues meeting new people. Shower time for me!
Andrew
So it is almost noon your time, and you should be having lunch soon after your morning training, if not already.
Though unlikely to happen, I hope that you can give me a call, even a short one.
Tonight's Bible Study preparation with Eric was very great. Based on his background and knowledge of the Bible he had done a great job in attempting to answer many of the questions and had some very interesting insights. Hoped that you were here. At closing we prayed, and he sincerely asked God to use him and help him to lead this very first Bible study of his. Very touching indeed.
There is a new meaning to my engineering ring which I wear on my little finger. As you know, lately I have been praying for you everyday when I get up, and I told myself that I will not wear it unless I have done that, and it must be genuine. So whenever you see that I have it on now, it would be a token of my dedication to love you. I look forward to the day when the same meaning is applied to a different ring.
I am very tired, as it has been a long stressful day, and I still have to take two stupid calls tomorrow. After Eric left I prepared for a song presentation for the weekend retreat. One thing I learned from the past is that, whenever you are tired or frustrated, go back to where you began. I picked one of the very first songs that I sang when I started serving, back when I just joined church. It brings back any memories and I recall how fresh I was. Innocent and cheerful, I had little challenge in my life and I sang with hope. The future was bright and life was beautiful. It is 10x harder now but I am 100x more mature and have been granted 100x more blessings.
If you don't call me in 15 minutes, I will take a shower and play some videogames. I think I am not going to play Paper Mario, nor Dragonball, but an old school robot fighting game for PS2. Why? I feel like going back to my roots tonight!
This morning I read another 1/2 chapter about Hudson Taylor. He met his spiritual father and took the brave move to submit and answer his calling to go to Swatow; only in tears did he find out that his spiritual father answered the same calling.
How touching, and yet, how realistic. This i) struggle -> ii) submit -> iii) blessing cycle happened so many times in my life but I always forget about it. The best example is how you and I started. I will never forget that Sunday morning, kneeling by myself and asking God to remove my feelings towards you, only to learn that you have developed feelings towards me on the same day.
This gives me courage. I am exhausted, worn-out and afraid. But I will carry on. The sunshine will come and the victory is at hand! I guess you won't call me, and I am happy because that means you are occupied with (new) colleagues meeting new people. Shower time for me!
Andrew
God has His plans
Dear hon,
So after 2 hours one of the urgent issues was resolved. They sometimes come like a lightning and dissolves like a bubble.
Will call you in half an hour. I am going to wrap up as much as possible so that I can leave earlier at 7:00 pm.
God always has His twists. I happen to chat with a boy not from our church who is having the same lust issue that I'm fighting. I told him about the online course and he was so excited. I invited him to be on my distribution list and I told him that if he is comfortable I can be on his. What more can I say about God's plan?
Andrew
So after 2 hours one of the urgent issues was resolved. They sometimes come like a lightning and dissolves like a bubble.
Will call you in half an hour. I am going to wrap up as much as possible so that I can leave earlier at 7:00 pm.
God always has His twists. I happen to chat with a boy not from our church who is having the same lust issue that I'm fighting. I told him about the online course and he was so excited. I invited him to be on my distribution list and I told him that if he is comfortable I can be on his. What more can I say about God's plan?
Andrew
Missing you!
Dear hon,
It is now 4:36 pm my time and you must be sleeping tight.
It has been a chaotic day as two urgent issues popped up. One of my regular meeting that ME asked me to host was asked to be canceled since everyone is fighting fire, so while my plate is full I have decided to post two lines on this blog to let you know that I am thinking of you even though the world is in hell :)
Andrew
It is now 4:36 pm my time and you must be sleeping tight.
It has been a chaotic day as two urgent issues popped up. One of my regular meeting that ME asked me to host was asked to be canceled since everyone is fighting fire, so while my plate is full I have decided to post two lines on this blog to let you know that I am thinking of you even though the world is in hell :)
Andrew
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Blog created!! Aug 21st, 2007 (Tues)
Dear hon,
I am creating this blog so that you have something to chew while you are excitingly awaiting for my arrival. I hope that things work out as I planned! It would be tricky because you need to work.
Tonight is the night that I sang you the new song. I evaded your question for what I did today, cause I mailed both the letter #1 and the chocolate parcel out, and I spent a couple hours trying to finish the chorus. While you expressed that you liked and appreciated it, I was hoping that you would have more excitement and happiness. Thank God for that I have learned my lesson and have lowered my expectations. Our little arguments in the past few days served their meanings.
In the last few days I started praying to God to ask Him to teach me how to love you. And He has been answering. In today's purity course that I just took, it talked about the story of the adulterous woman. I have recently read this so many times because we studied this a few months ago at the student fellowship and just last month for our John Sunday group.
But today it casted a new light at a different angle. I felt like one of those pharisees. I guess I had been setting unrealistic expectation from you hon, for that you have already been doing your best under that challenges you are going through, but as an imperfect pharisee, I didn't see that and I wanted to judge you.
God is showing me today that before anything I have to first judge myself!
I hope that I will get more inspiration to complete the song. Whether it will get you excited or not, it does not matter anymore. I just hope to do what I can in the slightest way.
I just prayed for you. I will continue to pray for you, daily. I told you lately many times that "I love you", but what kind of love is this, if I won't even pray for you every day? I will no longer base our love on lies, but on the truth of God.
I should call it a night.
Andrew
I am creating this blog so that you have something to chew while you are excitingly awaiting for my arrival. I hope that things work out as I planned! It would be tricky because you need to work.
Tonight is the night that I sang you the new song. I evaded your question for what I did today, cause I mailed both the letter #1 and the chocolate parcel out, and I spent a couple hours trying to finish the chorus. While you expressed that you liked and appreciated it, I was hoping that you would have more excitement and happiness. Thank God for that I have learned my lesson and have lowered my expectations. Our little arguments in the past few days served their meanings.
In the last few days I started praying to God to ask Him to teach me how to love you. And He has been answering. In today's purity course that I just took, it talked about the story of the adulterous woman. I have recently read this so many times because we studied this a few months ago at the student fellowship and just last month for our John Sunday group.
But today it casted a new light at a different angle. I felt like one of those pharisees. I guess I had been setting unrealistic expectation from you hon, for that you have already been doing your best under that challenges you are going through, but as an imperfect pharisee, I didn't see that and I wanted to judge you.
God is showing me today that before anything I have to first judge myself!
I hope that I will get more inspiration to complete the song. Whether it will get you excited or not, it does not matter anymore. I just hope to do what I can in the slightest way.
I just prayed for you. I will continue to pray for you, daily. I told you lately many times that "I love you", but what kind of love is this, if I won't even pray for you every day? I will no longer base our love on lies, but on the truth of God.
I should call it a night.
Andrew
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